June 04, 2010

i know i should.

last thursday, aqie has pja n others went out to cs and other places. i didnt want to go coz i thought my presence there would be, u know, uncomfortable. i'm not close enough to them except for aqie(of coursee duhh), raje has n pja. close enough :D

but then, last night when aqie called me and told me bout what u guys were doing and who were coming, i was surprised to know that ***** was there. obviously surprised. its like, when aqie called out his name, i was like "haaaaa, ***** ade? alaaa nape xcakapp" haha rude isnt it. but u know i cant hide my expression. i've been hoping yang we all akan bjmpa kt memane la. but no luck, so far.

i should have get over with him years agooo. we've been together for just what? half a year damn it. why did i always think about him? this is so wrong, i know that. its not like we were together for 10 years and suddenly break things up. haihhhh.

i've told this to some of my friends i think, i still talks bout him sometimes.
i've realised it after a while and i know why he was still in my mind.

you know, he was my first love. urghhhhh
at first, we didnt broke up bcause i cheated on him, or he cheated on me or whatever. he wants to break off bcause my parents told me to stop having a relationship with him. so, i thought that we could get back together you know, because he says so. =.= and i'm too naive for believing in him.

then, after some time, aqie told me, that ***** told him, or should i say, their friends? that he broke up with me not bcause of my parents, but bcause he wanted to. so i thought that i was too boring for him, too ugly, not pretty to be beside him. i dont know. but, deep inside my heart, i know that he was telling those stories bcause he was protecting his image. his ego. man's ego. duhhh

when we're together, it felt so real. you know, his love for me, when we were chatting at night, laugh, hang out together, all those things made me happy and they were my wonderful memories with him. i loved his voice when he was talking to me. i love eveything about him. i loved him so much at that time and that the end-of-relationship was too hard for me to handle. i cried every night that week, i missed him badly and one at a time, i picked up my phone to called him, but i put it back. apekah aku merepek? hmm

sampai sekarang, i still remember where we first met, dating, talks on the phone. most of it is still kept in my mind. i didnt dare to forget it because he was my first love. i know i'm in the bad side as i already have a boyfriend right now, but i cant resist this feelings when it comes.

after my dad my bro n aqie, he is the 4th guy i loved so much in my life. err no, was.

i still want to know the truth though, why he wanted to broke up at that time. hmm.

i know i should get rid of him. get over with him. probably.

(sadly)i just hope he will be happy in his life. goodbye my ex lover, i didnt dare to fall in love with you again. it hurts.

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